Once upon on a time, somewhere on December 29, 2011, I decided I had had enough of "this" life and I was going to chase after God with all that I had within me. I was tired of waiting on men to rescue me and whisk me off to "happily ever after" and I finally realized that life was not a fairy tale and no Prince Charming was written in my book of life to carry me into the moonlit night.
After surrendering to Christ, I commanded God to do two things: to break my heart for what breaks his and to reveal and rid my life of any impurities! Somewhere in there, I decided I was going to give up dating and wait on the man God created just for me.
On January 9, 2012, I began a 21 day fast and prayer journal assignment from my church. I prayed, fasted, read the Bible and sought God earnestly. I prayed so much that I began to become conversational with God. Prayer came that easily and I was enjoying this newfound "relationship" with a God who was omnipresent and omniscient. Whenever I needed him, he was was always there. He was never too busy to hear my cries and concerns. I had learned early on to not go to God in fear, worries, nor complain because that was indicative of a lack of faith and trust in Him.
As months progressed, I became immersed in the Bible and eventually I began to reread the Bible and study the characters indepthly. I began to see myself in the Isrealites - complaining. I saw how I had betrayed people as Joseph's brothers betrayed him. It was as if a mirror were before my face. I saw how I used to be jealous of other's leadership positions as Miriam and Aaron were jealous of Moses. I saw how at times I lacked faith and laughed at God as Sarai did. I also saw how God could change my generational curse as he did for Abram. I saw the humility I possessed as Nehemiah to cry out for others who are suffering as well as the courage and strength of Nehemiah I embraced within to build that which was torn down. For the first time, I was reading and applying the Bible to my life.
As my spiritual life took on a new, pure, and honest form, my personal life went for a downhill. I lost so many "friends." As God blessed and changed me, they went awry. I got a new car and most of my "friends" acted as if I rear-ended them with it as I shared my joy. While their jealousy brewed, God whispered to me with each hostile encounter, "What I am doing is for MY kingdom for and through you, MiMi. People will not understand. You are MY child and not of this world any longer. No blessing shall I withhold from you in my grace!" God continued to bless me with free surprise vacations, unexpected checks, people praying for me, raise at my job, accolades from my boss and department chair, etc. So many good things were pouring in my world.
Though I did not deem myself worthy of God's "generosity," I knew He was preparing me for something bigger than I could see. I spent several months witnessing, volunteering, donating, and just serving in whatever capacity God needed me in. I wanted to please God and serve Him wholeheartedly. Secretly, I think I was making up for all the "unserved" time from my sinful past.
The more I grew closer to God, the more temptation came my way. I began to feel lonely and to pull on this, old lovers from my past would resurface but I dare not entertain their lustful manners. I blocked numbers, deactivated Facebook, changed my Twitter, ignored calls and texts. I blatantly refused to give the devil my hand to get on the dance floor of sin. Men were not my only temptations. My thoughts were on the lottery. I used to love to play the lottery and even though my finances were in line, I liked the idea of having "more money." Food also looked pleasing but it was only to the flesh and not for nourishment. Greed and gluttony were creeping into my thoughts but I prayed to God to keep me and He did. I resisted the urge to sin despite the constant flirts with temptation. Temptation does not have to have victory over us because we can control our emotions and flesh. The body only wants what we allow it to crave.
The more God moved and blessed, the more I started feeling lonely that no "human" was accompanying my blessings. Sure, my best friend was around but she was enduring her own "spiritual warfares" and I wasn't strong enough to rush to her side. It seemed everyone around me was hurting, and all I wanted was an outlet. I wanted someone to hug me, to look into my eyes and say, "MiMi, it's going to be okay!" I was looking for someone physical because God had ceased to be "enough." I started having second thoughts about waiting for God to send me a mate since this was a new philosophy for me as I was accustomed to having a boyfriend.
One night, while in bed admist crying and praying, God said, "You are set apart for a reason, MiMi. You asked me to reveal your "friends" and I did. You asked me to keep you near and I am doing that. Now is not the time for you to depend on others. You have to learn to depend solely on me. Have not your friends hurt you? Have they not lied to you? Betrayed you? What about the friends and family members that were jealous of you when I showered you with blessings? They took from you but I returned everything they robbed you of. When I called you to minister, did I not tell you that I have to prepare you for my purpose? I needed you with no interruptions. Those voids you have, no person can fill them, yet I can. Am I not I AM?"
I sat in silence as God then revealed, "Your Price Charming has arrived. Is it possible that you missed Him because he did not arrive on a horse? You are loved, just open your eyes and truly see. The one that loves you seemingly suffered alone at the hands of the enemy and so-called "friends" just as you. You suffer in life; he suffered on the cross."
Today, God revealed, "I've done all the work but you keep on working, MiMi. Did I not reveal today part of my plan for your life? Did the Youth Pastor not call and tell you that they prayed for a new Sunday School teacher for the 9th grade girls and the first name everyone thought of was MiMi? In your sadness and solace, people think of you and pray for you - you are NOT forgotten. I hid you from the enemy for seven months for such a time as this. Some people won't allow you to grow, MiMi. Seven is completion and your journey as a voice for Christ is just the beginning with this new assignment. I've got what you need, but you keep on searching. Trust me, just trust me. Then, it hit me..............
In my quest for love and protection, I'd overlooked Jesus. You see, Jesus is the great redeemer, giver of true life and the most unconditional when it comes to that four letter word we all are searching for and truly have at our fingertips - LOVE! I can't be in a relationship until I learn to love Christ with all my heart. No Prince Charming exists in reality. The Prince some of us are waiting on is ALREADY HERE!
No, Prince Charming does not gallop in on a white horse, shining boots, and draped in the finest linens. Our Prince is the "Prince of Peace." He is blood-stained, bodily marred, clad in a crown of thorns, sandals on his travel bound feet. He arrives to us on a cross, one that eagerly awaits us to join Him on so he can take us to a home of happiness for eternity - HEAVEN! He's walked miles, saving souls and he wants yours if you have not surrendered to him. Sure Prince Charming is admirable but the Prince of Peace walks on water and that is infallible. Are you ready for His love? You deserve it!
You must be holy because I, the LORD, am holy. I have set you apart from all other people to be my very own. Leviticus 20:26