November 19, 2012

Single Christians, What to Do Until Love Finds You

American sub-culture indicates that there are more single, widowed, and divorced women in the United States (US Census, 2010). Thus, singleness is an anomaly, yet most women desire to be married. 

Now, I imagine if I were still overcome by my flesh, I'd be in some pretentious marriage and living vicariously through reality shows.  Yes, I was married once for less than a year. That marriage failed because it was based on pure emotion and God was nonexistent.  I was never one for divorce, but as I said before, I did not know God and if you don't know the author of love, how can you "love" someone? Divorce aside, I am single - as single as the last leaf to fall from a tree in the autumn and despite what I feel, I am content with that.

Now, allow me to be "REAL" for a moment - to be honest, my heart has an occupant as I am healing from a past "something." It was too unofficial to call it a relationship but I can say I fell in love with a friend. I'd known him for years - met him in church when I was 17 and reunited with him last year, devoted almost nine months to getting to know him and fell in love but sadly he did not feel the same. We parted ways by his omission - not mine. Why, I'll never truly know, but what I do know is I'll love him forever despite all that's happened because it was him who led me back to Christ before my birthday accident solidified my decision.  I just pray he finds love and lives happily ever after. That's how I am. I always want the best for someone, even if it's not me they end up with. That's life, I suppose but I just wanted readers to know that I am far from perfect; I am human even though I am saved. Saved people still get hurt and rejected, too, but by the grace of God, we bounce back. So just how do you "bounce back" and rejoice in a season of singledom?  You have to:

  • Heal from Past Hurts - Confess and repent of sins from previous relationships. This will help break soul ties that can bind and hinder future relationships. Talk with a Christian who can show empathy or journal out your feelings. Do not allow past hurts to disrupt your life, as they leave feelings of abandonment, rejection, fear, anger, shame, insecurity, neglect, and violence. Allow God to restore and heal you. He works best with the broken.
  • Pursue Purpose -  Focus on living for God. But "seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need" (Matthew 6:33).  God has a master plan for us all as he plans to "prosper and not harm us" (Jeremiah  29:11).  Pray, fast, keep a journal, have date nights with God - intentionally. Make God priority in your life. Become intimate with Him. Depend solely on God. Grow in God and make Him your best friend. Seek His purpose for your life and then get busy doing it.  I learned a long time ago, that the best way to deal with hurt is to work with other hurting people - mentor a troubled teenager, volunteer for a women's shelter, visit local orphanages and read to the children, work on your cooking skills (because you plan to marry eventually, right), pursue a degree, or be active in your church's ministry. Just GET BUSY working for God and I promise you'll forget your solidarity.    
  • Avoid temptation! - When it comes knocking, RUN! Pray before you even consider giving out your phone number or make the decision to court (Christians court first, then we date).  Avoid being alone with the opposite sex. Guard your heart and make sure you stay Holy and righteous. If you are vulnerable, regretful acts can occur.
  • Travel/Enjoy Life -  Get a GPS and travel the US and if possible, the world. A single friend of the same sex would be ideal for such an adventure. Experience new cultures and their food. Engage in conversation with the new people you meet.  Share Christ everywhere with everyone you meet along the way. Go skydiving, bungee jumping, hiking, kayaking, skating, etc. Leave the house instead of wallowing in pity. Who knows, your future mate could be in the midst of all the fun.
  • Embrace the Single Life, Yet Prepare for Married Life -  Make sure your financial situation is stable (career, credit score, investments, credit card balances, spending habits) and indicate you are ready for what marriage entails. Though money isn't everything, a sense of stability and responsibility in this arena is pertinent. In this process, act like a woman who wants to be married. Be wise and vigilant as you work on improving the spiritual, emotional, financial, and personal aspects of your life.

With all that aside, I am aware of the loneliness this season brings, but it is simply that -- a season (though some women/men feel they are called to be single for a lifetime -- that ain't MiMi). As Ecclesiastes 3:1 notes, "For everything there is a season ..." Don't focus on your loneliness; focus on the progress you can make to enrich yourself as a single.  Peruse the Bible and find verses that you can say to yourself or reflect on when you are tempted, weak, upset, jealous, etc.  Because "[i]f you desire to be married, if in your deepest of hearts you desire a mate, then God will satisfy that desire" (Psalm 145:16). Here are some verses I use to make it through:

Psalm 84:11 - For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. Did you read that ladies and gents? The Lord will withhold no "GOOD" thing from you if you are in His will. That's amazing and alone I can sustain off that scripture. It's now a matter of trusting in the Lord and His timing.

Galatians 5:22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. What kind of fruit does your tree sprout? Whatever we soweth, so shall we reapeth. If you possess these qualities then you will attract someone of the same caliber. 

Romans 8:28 - And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. If God said it, then He'll do it. He is faithful. We just have to trust His perfect plan and timing.
Pssstt.... Let me tell you a secret: A lot of people who are married are not married to the "right" person because they were impatient in their season of singleness.  They lamented the season instead of rejoicing in it. Don't end up like that.  Do not ruin God's chosen mate for you because you are too desperate or lonely. Allow God to write your love story and he will orchestrate it when it is time. Until then, fall in love with Jesus, then share him and wherever you go, take myriads of pictures, laugh too much, cry little, travel often, volunteer relentlessly, and desire to leave a prominent effect on all you encounter along the way.




36 comments:

  1. God bless you sis!I needed this!

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  2. Thanks ntozakemalone! God Bless You!

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  3. Thank you for this! Good thing for guys and girls both to take note of! God bless you my sister!

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    1. Thank you and please share the link. Singles need to know God is with them and they are alone, not lonely.

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  4. This blessed me today, as I grieve the end of a 29 yr marriage.

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    1. Ouch! My heart breaks for you, hun! I will pray for your healing and restoration during this trying time. God is with you -- ALWAYS! #Hugs

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  5. This is so true, I learned this when i went on a 40 day fast rejoicing in God and serving him will definitely keep your mind focused i love matthew 6:33 because it says that ALL of these things will be added unto you that means love, peace, joy, financially in every area in your life... We tend to only trust God with certain things, the same God who is faithful to wake us up in the morning is the same God who is faithful to send the man that we need... Thank you Mimi btw i follow you on twitter :)

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    1. Hey there! Thanks love! Shout me out on Twitter so I can put a face with a name! God Bless You!

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    1. I am not sure for what - the blog or its message, but you are welcome. Stay boosted in Christ, Candace!

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  7. Hi, I follow you on twitter your inspirational, sometimes your tweets put me in check but I love yout fire for the Lord.Respect...but how do u know if someone is meant for you.my first love asked to marry mr today but we are not on the same path spiritually.

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    1. Thanks for your compliments. All glory to God. Now,you will know if someone is meant for you if God ordains it. What do you mean "not on the same path" spiritually? If he is not of Christ now, then why would God prepare you only to send you an incomplete package or have you been prepared by God? If your relationship is strong in Christ and this person's is not, then ask God if this person is for you. I believe you BOTH will know it and most times you know BEFORE the question is even proposed. The fact that you're asking me indicates that this may not be the man for you because how would I know you better? The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked and that means "spiritual levels and beliefs differ." Seek God and I'd be curious as to know what He says.

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  8. hey Mimi, this is wonderful!!! i'm almost doin everything u've written! and i'm awaiting, waiting is the hard part, but i know that my God is a God who provides! i pray that u'd find the perfect person for u too! btw tell me this, do u believe that God might have a special person for each and every one of us??or are u an advocate of the opinion that any repented and devoted guy would do?

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    1. I believe that since God knew us before we were formed in our mothers womb (Jeremiah 1:5) that he has someone for us if we desire to be married. The man should mirror Christ and I know God gives us the desires of our heart. I am a supporter of all who are redeemed in Christ Jesus. People change but God is the only one who can change someone's heart. We can't, so if that person has confessed and repented to Christ then they are made new in his image. Pray and ask God for guidance if this guy is truly after God's own heart.

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  9. Thank you so much for this blog, for being transparent & for the sharing those scriptures!

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    1. I believe in never shielding the truth! People's lives depend on my testimony!

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  10. Praising him because he is all too worthy! God bless your beating heart. Thank you sister!

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  11. Hi Mimi I don't want to say that I just stumbled along this, I truly believe that God needed me to hear his message and you are no doubt his messenger. I thank you for allowing God to use you as an instrument. May God continue to richly bless and use you as you are a blessing to others. At least I know you have been to me

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  12. Thanks, Anon! I blog what God lays on my heart. It's all for him and not for me!

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  13. Amen! Thanks Honey! From one single sister to another, God bless you!

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  14. its worth reading for!
    God bless you more :)

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  15. Hello there! Do you regularly use online social websites?

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  16. Do you believe that u should get to 'know'someone first before u get married?I checked with scripture,and I did not see anywhere a couple dated first to know each other...ur opinion sister?

    Isaac

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  17. What do you mean by Christians court before dating? What is courting?

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  18. What do you mean by Christians court before dating? What is courting?

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  19. your blog is really helpful...there are really things we need to keep and things that needs to live behind... thank you for sharing this...

    church oakville

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  20. Nan, mais la sérieux 'l'amour ne se blesse jamais' ou un truc du genre...C'est abusé de mentir comme ça --"

    Il y a une meuf que je connais qui s'est dit 'On se quittera jamais mon mec et moi!!!'. Et 3semaines plus tard il se sont séparés --' Débile cette image quoi ! é_è"

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  21. Nice post.Thank you for sharing some good things!!
    Christian singles dating

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  22. This is a beautiful post. I absolutely love it. When I first met my husband, he was not the typical guy I'd date. So I on my knees every night and asked God to reveal to me if He was the man for me. By this time, I had been through so many wrong relationships, I didn't want to mess up again. Then one day, God showed me the wealth he had planted in my husband's heart. Never have I experienced the love I have found in him. I thank God every day. When you desire it,you shall have it. But for now, let go and let God. Delight in Him. He gives the desires of our hearts. According to His timing and will. He just wants to know if we trust Him and if we are ready. Beautiful post.

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  23. Love it!!!! Keep up the good work child. I continue to use your gifts for the Lord. I shall keep u in my prayers

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  24. I love it!!! My cousin, I tell you the truth, your testimony and perseverance is going to bring a lot of people to Christ! Keep doing God's will and he is going to keep opening doors and making ways for you!! I love you and may God continue to bless you!!!😘😘💖💖

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