December 27, 2012

When the Enemy Attacks Your Mind: My Story

I thought long and hard about sharing this, but I had to because people need to know that the devil is real and truly seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.  I've met my fair share of people on Earth who I consider pretty close to devilish. I've heard people talk about how they wrestled with demons or the devil himself but until Christmas Eve (yes, three days ago) I had never had an encounter with the enemy as torturous as this. Sure, he'd whispered sweet nothings in my ear a time or two but never have I been agonized as I was this past Monday.

My daughter lay asleep beside me and I had eaten the cookies for Santa, so my belly was full and so was my heart. I was just enamored with Jesus as thoughts of him flashed through my mind. I prayed and was thanking God for transforming my heart totally within a year. I'd fought him for 29 years and in a matter of 365 days and more, I'd finally conceded to not living lukewarm after 12 years of finding Christ and running from my calling of being an evangelist. With my head on the pillow, I realized that I could not fall asleep. "God," I pleaded. "Please let me sleep. I just want to sleep." I tossed and turned and then I started to pray because something was weird. I could not breathe and I fought through breaths. I looked at my daughter sleeping lifelessly next to me and I got up and keeled over to pray even more. And that's when it happened (insert evil voice here), "Yes, so you was the best of friends to ________ and you see how he repaid you. So not your friend. Yes. God told you to help him but look where it got you. Trusting in God failed you."  "You try to help everyone but you get hurt in return, stupid girl. And you just threw your doctorate degree away, to pursue ministry. You got so close only to choose God!"  "You can't preach to anybody because you are messed up yourself. Your past is stained and no matter what God says you are still filthy. You're dirty. A wretch."

"But, my daughter, she loves me," I screamed moving my hair from my face. "My family, they, they l-l-love me. My best friend she is always there."

"Really, they do?" The voice chuckled as it got louder. So I buried my face in my pillow and started quoting scriptures and demanded it to flee. For the Bible tells us:  "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

That's when it got louder and said the unthinkable, "YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE NOBODY CARES FOR YOU. NOBODY CARES! GOD DOESN'T CARE!"

This made me livid, "Excuse me, but my daughter, over there, laying near me -- she c-c-cares. She loves me like crazy and you know what, GOD loves me. Jesus loves me so much that he died on the cross and you, you coward, you GOT KICKED OUT OF HEAVEN so it sucks to be you. Now leave me alone. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE." I quoted more scripture in a rapsong fashion. I remember saying this: "Exodus14:14 StaycalmtheLordwillfightforyouIfGodbeforyouwhocanbeagainstyouRomans8:31. I DEMAND YOU TO FLEE." And then from nowhere I think this: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).

I looked up and it was silent. I looked around the quiet room. I was shaking uncontrollably and I wanted to call someone but God whispered, "My child, you have just defeated the enemy with simply your faith in me and my word. Some cave in but you fought back. My child, I am here with you. Always."

Exhausted, I fell asleep in my Daddy's (God's) loving arms. When I awoke Christmas morning, my hair was a mess and my pajamas frumpled. I wanted to know why my mind was attacked, had I done something wrong? I shook the thoughts away, prayed to God and preceded with my Christmas plans and went downstairs to open presents with my daughter. As I opened my first gift from my sister it was this book:
Be Determined - Always
My FAVORITE book in the entire Bible - Nehemiah. A book on this prayer warrior who wept and cried out for his people with a desire to rebuild Jerusalem and restore spirituality.

Did you see the title and subtitle?  Be Determined: Standing Firm in the Face of Opposition. WOW! And God doesn't care for me? Really?

"Why did you get this book of all books?" I asked my sister.

"I overheard you yesterday talking on the phone about Nehemiah and I was reminded how much you love him so I went to get it yesterday from the Christian bookstore on West Broad," she replied.

My mouth gaped open as I realized that God was looking out for me through my "family" even though the enemy tried to tell me they did not care for me and I knew they did. I was AWESTRUCK. My sister got the book about 8 hours before my attack. God had ALREADY paved the way for me to see HIS glory and HIS plans for my life.

"What's wrong?" My sister asked.

"Nothing." I said. I wasn't sure that I wanted to reveal to her about the enemy attacking me.

I opened up the book and lo and behold this is what I read as the title of the first chapter:

 AMAZING.  Remember the enemy told me that "Nobody cares about you. So kill yourself." Now how can we say God is NOT real? This was NO COINCIDENCE at all. Had I taken my life as the enemy demanded, I would've never lived to see God's plan for me. God has been preparing me to be an evangelist and the enemy tried to take me out. I've been through a lot this year.  I lost a lot of friends and I gave my entire heart and life to Christ with NO regrets. Not one. I am another servant whom God is preparing to spread the good news of Jesus Christ to the world but since I have not set foot in a pulpit (well not to preach anyway) yet, what better way to make sure that I never spread Christ than have me kill myself.

That's why the enemy visited me as an attempt to take me out before Christmas and to create havoc for all who believe in Christ on such a holiday - a time of jovialty, merriment, and mirth.  Imagine how devastating that would have been if I were weak and doubting God. That's why it is important to guard your heart and KNOW who is GOD. If you don't then, you have NO ammunition to destroy the enemy with. If the enemy would've got me to kill myself then imagine how weak that would make me look as a Christian and the people who know me would question how could I do that when I appeared to be so strong in my faith. But I made the enemy look like a fool in his quest to taunt me by reminding him that HE GOT KICKED OUT OF HEAVEN. You see, sometimes you have to REMIND the enemy of his demise. He is exiled from heaven so he doesn't want ANYONE ELSE TO GET THERE. Don't allow the enemy to cheat you of your seat in paradise. Whatever God called you to do, it will happen in HIS timing, not ours. Just know the enemy doesn't want people on God's side and he will stop at nothing to avenge his pitiful cause.  But God will comfort you. And to further show how much he loves me, God had a prophetess speak these words last night:
Thank you, Woman of God!
So how can I doubt God? I believe we get attacked when we are closest to our breakthrough and the enemy sees that and attempts to thwart God's plans. The enemy will throw in his little monkey wrenches to stop God's magnum opus (great work) but he can't win unless you relinquish control. To further prove, his love for me, this was the first page of  "Be Determined" that I opened up to. Read the underlined print:
And God doesn't love me enough to tell me that the enemy "hurls ammunition" to trap us?  Why I was attacked, I don't know, specifically. I do know the enemy would rather I be dead than preaching the Gospel to save lost souls. I want so much to do that. It is my earnest desire. When I accepted Jesus Christ, I became a NEW creation. I am NO LONGER arrested by my past. I AM FREE IN CHRIST JESUS! God qualified and called me to preach. Despite my stained banner that I wave, God chose ME! I didn't and I even ran from my calling but no matter how far I ran, God pursued me.

As I mentioned before, I have heard of people being attacked but never experienced it personally. The enemy is real. The enemy wanted to hinder me from doing what God wants me to do so he attacked my mind. And what he did not know is that I suit up for the battle daily and thankfully, I never suit down before I sleep.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes (Ephesians 6:11). I stay armored. Ready for battle. Do you?

I close with this scripture: "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand" (Ephesians 6:13). Just as I am today and always, I stand.
I'm Still Standing!




42 comments:

  1. Amazing!! If our God is for us, who could be against us!!! God is truly growing you & preparing you for greatness! Keep pushing forward, this was very encouraging!

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  2. I can relate with this post,because I'm going through a situation,just got out of n unequally yoked relationship,God told me to leave thru my mentor and I'm happy to say that I have experienced spiritual growth and fellowship with the holyspirit,but most times the devil tries to attack my mind with thoughts of lonliness and fear or anxiety..but thank God for his word,I read scriptures to remind myself of who iam,what God has said about me and the glorious future he has in store for me.Praise God for his Word!

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    1. Wow! Stay guarded, okay! The enemy is powerful but we hold a lot of power if we stay connected to the source - God!

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    2. I agree with the the enemy is powerful.You really have to stay strong out here.I really appreciate your comment MiMi.

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  3. Thanks for sharing! It helps to hear of others' struggles and how God helped them overcome!

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    1. We won't be defeated. Thanks for reading!

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  4. Beautiful message! And what makes it (more) amazing is that it's the TRUTH! ;-)

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  5. The devil is a liar..defeated,&under our feet.we have the victory in Christ our saviour.On the wake of today(28Dec),had a dream that my sis was telling me 2read James 4:7.i woke up&tweeted the verse,had no idea of why.now i understand more...tweet@wlusige

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    1. Wow. Be armor ready. It is a daily battlefield.

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  6. Omg AMAZING. The same exact things have been happening to me. The devil is a liar though. I thank God for your testimony I actually thought I was in the wrong when this happened like I was in sin. God is so awesome!

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    1. No. You can be attacked for a variety of reasons - God had a new work for you, God wants to reveal his plan/vision, etc. The important thing is to tell it to FLEE and speak scripture. Thanks for reading, Anon.

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  7. "There are times that each of us will be under great pressures and disappointments. Is it that we will be called upon to do an important piece of work?
    Is this God's way of getting us ready so that we will not break down under the stress of the work?

    "Today do not give in to the material difficulties and troubles of this world.
    Turn to God with your heart and your soul and your mind because with Christ in you, these problems will not control you, but can be dealt with in a masterful way.

    "The power that comes when the heart is focused upon God can reverse negative to positive and darkness to light.
    Listen to the voice of your inner spirit and do that which you know is right.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Anon and I must listen to God at all times. I can lead me wrong.

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  8. To be is a blessing.
    Thank you, Lord, for this moment with all of its beauty and imperfections.
    Let me not take this for granted.
    ******************************
    "You are what you have learned from your past, what you experienced today and what you dream for tomorrow.
    My Lord, help me to live each moment to the fullest so that I can continue to grow and achieve my greatness!
    ******************************
    Perfect love is the gift of self with no expectation of return. This is how God loves us. Lord, may I learn to love as You love and when I give to give freely.

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Anon. God Bless You!

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    2. Whats up girl.Thank you for your comment. Its nice to see a young black women that loves the lord.

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  9. I've been feeling very lost lately, and questioning my Catholic belief. I can't say my faith is as it once was, when A I beleived there was a heaven and hell. Too many things going on at home within my family that has made me question if there really is someone there looking over my family and myself.

    Anywho, a couple of days after Christmas I was at home with my boyfriend. We had a long night, I helped plan a surprise birthday party in which my cell phone was stolen (2nd time in the past 3 months). I woke up early at 7am and I had a headache. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't, my mind kept thinking so many thoughts. Two hours passed by and I still was awake just laying down next to him staring at the celing. Finally, he woke up and he said he had a bad dream. I went to the bathroom and usually my mother leaves on a Christian radiostation at all times playing in the living room. So I thought I heard it and proceeded to the bathroom. I heard the words in a dark voice, "The devil will save you"..and I even shook my head in disbelief. I went back to my room and closed the door. My boyfriend was still awake and he said he felt a weird vibe, like someone was watching him. I hesitated in telling him what had just happened to me, but I decided to anyways. I went to the living room to make sure the radio was on and when I checked nothing was ever turned on. My mother wasn't home, my brother was sound asleep in the other side of the apartment. I've been wondering why I heard that...

    Reading your story has made me remember what my mother has always told me. The devil will always try to lure you, but I'm still so confused..

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    1. You live with your boyfriend? If so, not being judgemental but being REAL - that is sin. God's word prohibits that. Sin in your life causes spirits to lure and lurk. Seek God and live a life of purity. God Bless You.

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  10. God knows I needed to read this. I'm always amazed at how He places things in my path exactly when I need it.

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  11. Wow had same dream im fighting to save my family living right was battling ptsd and combat i fought the lion and won funny thing night of the dream i got on my knees talk to god prayed for my wife my child i just want peace love kindness and trust.

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    1. Wow! I pray peace over you and your family.

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    2. I pray for you and your family. May God grace you.

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  12. Wow... I can totally relate! Cried too..usually happens when God speaks to me! Thanks for sharing. I ran from my calling for five years... now I'm pursuing it & its a battle daily! Now I am trying to embrace the second part of my calling. It's a struggle but I'm closer than I was when I was five years ago :) I had to make sure it was Gods will for sooo long!! Had to come to realize God isn't going to change His answer! Had to give up on my expectations, but mostly the expectations/desires of others on my life! About the not breathing part...I was surprised to hear you could move... get prepared cuz it has happened loads of times to me! Just rebute & how fast to Gods truth...His word!! Blessings as you make an impact to Gods kingdom!! I'll pray your faith to grow with each attack IJNIP! Amen! please pray too...prayer is powerful! Thank you!

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    1. God works best in our lives. Thank you so much for your prayers.

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  13. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! Many would have kept silent and kept the goodness of our loving Father, secret! God is raising up a people who are determined, steadfast(1cor 15:58)! He is looking for people who seek His face and not His hand or His works! He is looking for people who will preach and teach without a pulpit! God is doing a new thing! May He continue to raise you up, to fulfill His purpose for your life!

    God bless
    Shalom
    Lady Bash

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    1. I love God with all my heart and soul and will forever be His. He is more than enough for me. Thanks for your kind words. God Bless.

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  14. Wow I just read this and can relate. I have suffered with panic attacks at night and I know its the enemy trying to knock me down and the way I combat him is with Gods word. I have a Bible app on my phone and I just turn it on and listen and the panic goes away!

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    1. Amen. Reach for God during such a time as this. So true.

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  15. I'm going through a similar battle. I don't know what to say or do. I'm just empty. GOD is sometimes silent. And I'm reaching my breaking point.I LOVE JESUS. But sometimes I don't want to go through this psychological warfare,I just want to be safe in His arms.

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  18. Your testimony is truly amazing & the devil is always going to mess with GOD Children who has an anttioned life & is truly blessed.....in 2006 the devil had a whole of my mind & I am proud to say I'm now 26 Saved & set free & filled with the holy ghost.....GOD has his hand on our life & we are covered girl & I wish u blessings apiubd blessing in ur life & ur daughter life & familia as well & who is that book by I wanna buy it

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  19. glory to god, god bless you, sister

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  20. 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the FULL armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

    18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

    Ephesians 6.


    The shield of FAITH is what is going to protect us from the fiery darts of the evil one.
    God is our shield and as long we have faith and hold that up we will not be cast down! By those arrows!
    Believe in the shield!

    Helmet of salvation is our protection, KNOWING and believing we are saved.

    Sword of the Spirit is what we fight WITH, the Word is our weapon.
    When Jesus announced IT IS WRITTEN the devil had to flee! He could not argue with the Word! The devil does not argue with the word! Because even he knows it's true! Haha the devil is a lie!

    BE ALERT! Always praying in the Spirit, do not faint or grow tired of praying in the Spirit, we must live more in the spirit than in the physical. With our spiritual antennas more alert than our physical ones.

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  21. whats funny is when reading most of the comments from everyone it shows me that I need to hold fast to my faith and not give up on my calling. After ten years my sister, my cousin and I have re-united to continue our gospel group. I have been mentally attacked and I've been thinking maybe the rehearsing is too stressful as we are all mothers and maybe thats whats causing me to feel the way I do, but reading your comments I definately know it's the enemy stopping us from doing what God wants us to.
    Thankyou all

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  22. Yes, Luke 10:19 is very real. Also, add Isaiah 26:3, and 1 John 4:4. Thanks for sharing. Don't forget TBN has a 24 hour prayer line 888 731 1000

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  23. yes I am in a unequally yoke marriage and god warn me not to do it but I over ride it,i am a woman that desires to go through I know god has called me to stand in the battles I go through to make me stronger.the lord gave me a vision you may go down but you want stay down.so I stand the enemy uses my husband as a fiery dart. I know god is able and I refuse to give up on my destiny,i know god has a plan for my life,satan comes against my mind,but through god it will come to pass my mind is being renewed daily by the word of god. I know I am a overcomer by the blood of the lamb by the word of my testimony.keep me in prayer satan is a defeated foe.to god be the glory

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