A few years or so ago, if someone had told me that I would let go of sex and be able to fall madly in love with Jesus Christ, I would do the signature "eye roll." Never would I have imagined that I would close my legs and open my Bible and become lost in the Living Word and a loving God. Sex used to own my life in more ways than I would have imagined but now, I am set free from the bondage of that sin.
I used to think that sex equated love. Boy, is that a misnomer. As much as I dislike carnal music, I must say R & B's lyrical sex guru, Trey Songz, has a point in one of his songs. He croons, "Sex ain't betta than love," and IT'S NOT. Physical intimacy is intended for married couples - people who are unified through Christ. Intercourse is also an act of reproduction. To prove this Onan was struck dead for withdrawing from and ejaculating because he "spilled his seed" (Genesis 38:3) as he was having sexual intercourse with his brother's wife. His lust caused him to sin, which separated him from God.
Acts 15:29 (NLT) states, "You must abstain from eating food offered to idols, from consuming blood or the meat of strangled: animals, and from sexual immorality. If you do this, you will do well. Farewell." I never knew why premarital sex was wrong - I just knew not to do it. We live in a generation where demands such as "STOP!" and "DON'T DO IT!" need to be explicated. People need to know the repercussions of laying with someone they are not married to. Yes, the Bible says not to do it but many parents and churches fail to explain "why." Allow me to explain what premarital sex does:
- The act of sex outside of marriage is called fornication. Fornication is a sin. Sin separates us from Christ (Isaiah 59:2) . Most times, when we become so embedded in fulfilling our sexual desires, God's desires and Word fall deaf on our ears. The more we sin, the further we grow from God until we can't even hear His voice. God's voice is already a whisper so imagine not hearing from Him. The mere thought alone should hurt us to the point where we dare not hurt Him because "when you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures .." (NLT, Galatians 5:19).
- Your body is a Holy temple. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 asks, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies" (NIV). Honoring God with your body means to value and uphold it completely. Many think penetration is the only sexual sin. Homosexuality, sodomy, beastiality, and other acts of sexual immorality such as "fingering, fondling (touching genitalia with intention to arouse), oral sex, and dry humping are sinful, as well. Though no penetration occurs, these acts fulfill the sin of lust and lust can lead to sexual desires, which can lead to the action. Most people do these acts and think they are still pure - you aren't. Don't be satisfied with seeing how far you can go before it is called sin.
Most people who engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage do it as a bonding method with someone else. I was sexually active because no one ever told me not to have sex. I did not have a relationship with my mother and my father wasn't around much after he divorced my mom. I learned about sex in high school from the cheerleaders and I became curious about this act that felt so "good" so I had sex and I royally hated it.
As I grew older, because I never knew the true meaning of love or affection, if I got involved with a guy, once my feelings got involved, I would become intimate with a guy, not realizing that God had parameters for sex because if committed outside of marriage, there are:
Bodily and Dangerous Effects of Fornication:
- Disease - STDS. They are embarrassing and can even damage your reproductive organs. Face it, who really wants one? These diseases are so strong that even condoms can't prevent them. The best protection is Godly protection, right?
- Soul ties - Have you ever wondered why you can not get over an ex? A soul tie occurs when you physically connect, your souls knit together, becoming one flesh. Godly soul ties are formed when a couple are married according to Ephesians 5:31: "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh," and the Godly soul tie between a husband and wife that God intended him to have is unbreakable by man (Mark 10:7-9). This is the soul tie God wants us to have, however, when two unwed persons engages in sexual intercourse, an ungodly soul tie is formed. This soul tie is the one that allows the enemy to lurk in and human possession and obsession take over. This soul tie fragments the soul, and is destructive. It threatens future relationships because your soul is joined to every person you sleep with and can make bonding with others on an emotional or sexual level difficult.
- Robbery, Covet, Lust - The person you are sexing is not your spouse if you are not married to them. Thus, if you don't plan on marrying them, you are sleeping with someone else's husband or wife. You are robbing that person of their purity and you both are succumbing to lust.
Winning Over Sexual Sin
We chose to choose to sin. But we can have power over our sinful ways. We have to want to overcome the flesh. Pray and stir clear of temptation. I have been celibate for almost a year. As a single woman, I would be lying if I say I do not get lonely, but my love for Christ supersedes that of any human, so I live a life that shies away from sin. For example, I don't read certain books or watch movies that can bait the desire for my hormones to go crazy. I fight temptation with scripture and constant conversation with God. I am honest with God about my weaknesses and I pray and fast to get strength in those areas.
The devil desires to steal, kill, and destroy; if he can steal your virtue, kill your faith and trust in God, then he can destroy and wreck your life. Don't allow sin to win in your life. God loves you and He gives mercy for those outside His will - when you should die in sin. He gives you time to win. God graces us for what we do not deserve. He gives us chances to atone a billion and one infinite times.
Saints, love heals; it does not hurt. If you are reading this and you are struggling with sexual immorality, there is HOPE for you in Jesus Christ. Jesus wants you to be intimate with Him. He can heal the past hurts of broken loves and break those formidable soul ties. Will you trust Him today? If you are dating someone who you are sexually active with, you have to decide who is more important, Jesus or someone who obviously doesn't love you. In order to love someone, you must first know the Creator of love - God. If someone loves God, then they would not want you to be outside of His will nor drag you to hell. Choose "ye this day who ye shall serve" (Joshua 24:15). If they lead you to sin - lead them to the door and a Bible. Your worth is in Christ alone - not some human.
God is the creator of sex and it was created for our pleasure within the confines of marriage, not to sleep with everyone we date. And I leave you with this scripture:
God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives (1 Thessalonians 4:3–7, NLT).
***This blog is part of a three part series. The next blog will deal with "Embracing Singledom!" God bless you and please share with others saved and unsaved. God is madly in love with you, so choose to fall madly in love with Him.***